Thanks for visiting Ask AfterEllen â our guidance line where Sapphic sages at AE answr fully your (non-medical) questions. Got a question for your lesbian specialists? E-mail askafterellen@afterellen.com.
How do you tell if that gender-nonconforming workmate you’d like to end up being friends with is actually a lesbian as if you, while preventing the awkwardness of inquiring? How about that hot librarian you keep thumping into while studying? Are you currently ever-going to build up the neurological to approach her for a chat? Wouldn’t it is simpler any time you could assess the probability she’s into women 1st?
I’m able to have the wrath already: “you cannot tell if a female is actually lesbian or bisexual!” or “which is judgemental!” or “What you need to perform is ask the lady⦔ or “take your own try anyhow!” and you are half-right.
Lesbian and bisexual women have
a brief history of building indicators
to acquire each other. It is not judgemental to look for green flags. Homophobia â which nevertheless exists today â means it is not always secure to address a person about being contemplating the same-sex.
A lot of us internalize homophobia. We can subconsciously look at
ourselves
as substandard to be into females. We possibly may not have the self-confidence to straight-up ask a woman if she’s into women either, even though its theoretically “secure” to take action.
Whenever you cannot know a woman’s into females without the woman letting you know, additionally you can not understand who is homophobic until its too-late. A few of the worst homophobia I skilled might from city-dwelling “queer”-identified 20-somethings with bluish locks.
Therefore system these signs into your gaydar!
Which she follows/what she posts on social media marketing.
You can find factors to consider in terms of this package. Firstly, if the woman profile is private, ask yourself if it is unusual or awkward to add this lady. Or else, this option’s quite simple. If she is after a tonne of celesbians or lesbian record users then it’s fairly clear she actually is into ladies. If she is publishing a pride march she visited, exactly why are you actually looking over this? Fall when it comes to those DMs! Yeah she could be a straight ally, but that also indicates she
should never
end up being homophobic towards you for nearing anyhow.
Small nails
I know a lot of think this will be outdated. I could notice some of you claiming “but femmes!” and yes, some femmes have long fingernails. But it is a fact that numerous lesbians hold their particular nails short. It isn’t really
just
caused by what we would during sex, either, but because lesbians wish to alert their lesbianism! They want to date or hook up and, because it can be difficult to find another lesbian in the open â not every one of us inhabit Los Angeles â we can not exposure any individual mistaking the very long nails for being directly.
Getting much less conforming to gender
expectations
This’s specific to lesbians. We’re not wanting to bring in men so we’re typically less conforming as to the
they
find hot. Yes, we don’t reach opt outside of the male look. The adult fetishisation of lesbians is actually proof it influences all of us in different and/or additional ways. But lesbians are a lot more assertive, outfit much more conveniently, and stay even more outspoken because, overall, ladies do not anticipate the same adherence to womanliness in order to find you attractive.
Favorite films, television shows, and music
It is a safe strategy to assess the likelihood a female is lesbian or bisexual. If she claims ”
The L Keyword,”
or
“Ammonite,”
or
“Tegan and Sara,”
it’s most likely she is a lesbian or bisexual. She actually is plainly available about speaking about homosexuality and may be eager to hangout any time you express alike passions. In which you ask in addition, it does matter: if she is at the job or running or on some other purpose after that perhaps seek out the greater amount of subtle indications.
Icons
Here’s where the history and tradition performs a crucial role. Research the indications. I heard Gen Z sapphics come across both through mushroom earrings. A labrys sign on her garments or extras is virtually certainly a lesbian, or an unknowing straight lady whom went to an op store near a lesbian commune and did not understand any benefit. The
symbol by yourself might be indicative she is a feminist. But two
overlapping generally suggests lesbianism.
The will getting “proof” that a female’s into women before capturing your own chance is actually organic. However, these signs aren’t guaranteed. As a person that’s “come-out crush” had been a gender non-conforming straight work colleague with small spiky blond locks and rainbow stars tattood up the woman supply, utilize the indications with extreme caution.
If everything, focus on vibes. They’ve been much more linked to the all-important abdomen impulse compared to trivial, such as “does the truth she use Birkenstocks possesses 7 kitties make the lady a lesbian?”
Got a question for the lesbian professionals? E-mail askafterellen@afterellen.com.
This line isn’t a substitute for psychiatric or medical advice. AfterEllen employees tend to be writers, not therapists
.